


Why Fear if You're in Love

by CinMan



Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020)
Genre: First Kiss, First Meetings, M/M, Meet-Cute, Prequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:27:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23024773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinMan/pseuds/CinMan
Summary: A short story of how Aman and Kartik met.
Relationships: Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Comments: 31
Kudos: 84





	Why Fear if You're in Love

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song. 
> 
> Pyaar Kiya Toh Darna Kiya.

When Aman Tripathi was fourteen, his best friend got himself a girlfriend. In that moment, Aman felt a strange surge of unfathomable anger. Aman didn’t understand the feeling at first. It wasn’t until his dear sister, Goggle, had explained to him that he was jealous when he realized that he might be gay. She had this soft knowing smile on her face and Aman Tripathi suddenly saw himself for who he was, fourteen years late. Amidst heartbreak, Aman couldn’t really process the information.

“Par wo ladka hai” [But he’s a boy] Aman had questioned.

“Kya farak parta hai” [What difference does that make] Goggle had said.

Aman knew that his parents wouldn’t understand. He felt the world around him distance. Then he felt crippling guilt for loving another boy, someone who thought of Aman as a friend. Slowly Aman broke ties with him.

When he graduated with a scholarship, Mr and Mrs Tripathi were so proud. Aman’s conscience couldn’t help but wonder whether they’d still be proud if they really knew who he was. His mother begged him to apply to all the Colleges near them but Aman needed distance.

In his fourth year of College, on Valentine ’s Day, Aman Tripathi saw two women kissing outside his apartment in Delhi. Something snapped inside of him, he hadn’t realized how lonely he had become in that distance. He felt like everyone was rejoicing at the finishing line and he was the only one watching from the bleachers. He felt unworthy of it all.

***

When Aman was twenty-two years old, he decided he wanted a boyfriend. That night he made a dating profile on Grindr. Having absolutely no clue on how to go about getting a boyfriend. He put on a shirt and took 30 selfies before picking one where half of his face was visible. It took him another half an hour to come up with a bio, concious to display his real name, he decides to go with:

**Aman Kapoor**

**22**

**Looking for a life partner**

****

He uploaded the profile at 1am and went to bed. He woke up the next morning with 7 messages on his account. Although he didn’t bother to check any of them because he was running late for an interview at a job he applied to keep himself busy during the break.

When he got in the bus, almost all the seats were taken. He took a few steps before finding an empty seat next to two teenage kids heading to school.

He opened his phone as the bus started and looked at the men in his DM’s.

**Mister Romeo:** _Hey sexy._

Romeo’s profile picture was of Salman Khan and Aman grimaced. Aman regretted this already. He regretted it even more when the man standing next to his seat cleared his throat. Aman looked up and met eyes with the taller guy in brown khakis and neon green t-shirt. He had a small smile playing on his lips and his eyes were dark even in the morning light. Aman looked away immediately, his eyes bulging, he could feel his face flushing with heat and he immediately shut his phone off.

He was freaking out. A very good looking man on the bus had caught him using an app popular for gay hookups. Surely, a straight guy wouldn’t know what he was looking at. Maybe he didn’t. After a few moments passed, and when his heart calmed down, Aman collected the courage to look back up at the guy. When he did, he found the stranger still staring at him. The guy’s smile widened and Aman was suddenly enchanted by it. The bus stopped and a few more people got on the crowded bus. An older lady stood and Aman got up to give her his seat.

Now his back faced the guy in the neon green shirt. Aman went through a few mental exercises to calm his beating heart before he heard the guy speak.

“Naam kya hai?”[What’s your name?] Aman whipped his head around to meet the guy’s face which was alot closer than before. God, did he smell good. Aman swallowed at the close proximity and leaned back.

“Kyu?”[Why] he asked defensively with an intimidating scowl.

“Kyu? Because I want to know” the guy smirked and Aman’s heart skipped a beat. Was this flirting? He was not good at flirting.

“Aman” Aman said quickly and turned back around as the bus swerved into another street.

“Kartik. Aur Grindr wala naam?”[Kartik. And your name on Grindr?] Kartik spoke again into Aman’s space and Aman felt his breath caress his nape. A shiver ran down his spine.

“Aman Kapoor” and then Aman was walking out of the bus, because he suddenly felt claustrophobic. As soon as his sandals hit the pavement, a sigh of relief escaped him. The bus started, leaving Aman at the wrong stop.

Aman was completely unfocussed during his interview and got home in a foul mood. That’s when it starts. He sees a new message pop up from a guy and after seeing the name, Aman can’t help but smile.

**Kartik from the Bus:** _Sorry to scare you before_

**Aman Kapoor:** _You didn’t scare me_

**Kartik from the Bus:** _That’s good. Hi_

**Aman Kapoor:** _Hey_

**Kartik from the Bus:** _You are gay right?_

Kartik regrets sending the message because Aman takes at least 5 minutes to respond.

**Aman Kapoor :** _Yes_

**Kartik from the Bus:** _Thank God! Would you like to go on a date with me?_

Aman blinks dumbfounded. He’s nervous already, how is he going to handle a date with beautiful man like Kartik?

 **Kartik from the Bus:** _I mean, we can just talk here if you don’t want to_.

Aman smiled while Kartik nervously sweat in his bedroom across town.

**Aman Kapoor** _: How’s Friday?_

**Kartik from the Bus:** _Perfect Dinner or Movie or Both?_

Aman looked up the movie timetable online and chooses something he had wanted to watch.

**Aman Kapoor:** _Movie. Meet you there, 7pm._

**Kartik from the Bus:** _See you tomorrow xoxo_

**Aman Kapoor:** _Goodnight_

Aman blushed, his face felt hot.

***

Aman was there at 6:30pm and Kartik had arrived 15 minutes later. Those 15 minutes might have been the most nerve-racking minutes of Aman's life. He had contemplated fleeing numerous times but as soon as he had seen Kartik making his way towards him, every worry left his body like a wave smoothing away the roughness of sand. Kartik's stride was confident and his eyes had lit up when they had met Aman's.

The taller man wore a black floral shirt with a good fitting dark pair of jeans. His hands were adorned with rustic silver jewelry. Aman had felt a little plain in his mustard tee and black trousers. Kartik on the other hand, couldn't keep his eyes off of Aman. Meanwhile Aman averted his eyes, afraid of being caught.

Kartik impatiently jogged the last few steps towards Aman. He wanted to give him a hug but refrained from his usual impulsiveness, afraid of scaring Aman away again. He didn't want to lose this one good thing. Aman was the first to speak.

"Aman Tripathi" Aman raised a hand for a handshake. Kartik looked back and forth between Aman's face and his hand before quickly taking it. Sure, it was a mere handshake but Aman felt the hairs on his body stand up at the contact.

"Kartik Singh. You look nice" Kartik complimented, his eyes caught the glinting silver hoops on Aman's ears. Aman self-consciously scoffed and touched one ear.

"Thanks. Tum bhi"[Thanks. You too] Aman said. He checked the time on his wrist watch.

"Der ho rahi hai. Chale?" [It’s getting late, shall we go?] Aman said, looking up at Kartik. A few seconds passed and time stood still as the two men shared a moment. Aman's heart skipped a beat before Kartik responded.

"Okay" Kartik had whispered and followed Aman's lead into the cinema.

What Kartik hadn't expected was for Aman to be a horror film enthusiast. The smaller man was going to be the death of him.

"You’re sure? yahi film dhekna hai?"[You’re Sure. This is the film you want to watch?] Kartik asked and softened at the amusing smile on Aman's face.

"Kyu? Dar lag raha hai?"[Why? Are you scared?] Aman asked as he had bought the ticket.

"Sach kahu toh haan. Gand phat rahi hai"[If I had to be honest, then yeah. I’m scared dickless] Kartik joked and Aman laughed.

"Are you serious?" Aman asked, amused by the taller man.

"Kind of" Kartik said. They moved out of the line and went to the snacks bar but Aman stopped mid-way.

"Agar kuch hua toh mein hoon na"[If anything happens, I’ll be there] Aman said, flirtatiously. Kartik was taken back. Then he firmly gripped Aman's left hand. Aman was shocked by the public display.

"Haye haye! Mera hero"[Haye Haye! My hero] Kartik smiled and so did Aman as he held onto Kartik's hand and basically dragged him inside the cinema.

The movie hadn't been special but Kartik's freakishly loud screams during the jump scares had made Aman laugh so hard that everyone on the theatre had glared at them several times. Aman had slid down on his seat everytime. He was pleasantly surprised to be having so much fun. Kartik on the other hand was on the verge of tears.

When they exited the theatre after the movie had finished, Kartik asked.

"Tu mudjhe date Karna chahte ho ya maarna"[Are you trying to date me or kill me?] Kartik asked.

"Phil haal, sirf date hi karna chahta hoon"[For now, I only want to date you] Aman said confidently. Kartik really believed Aman could be capable of killing him with a just a look. Aman smirked at him.

They went to a restaurant and talked about their dreams and childhood. Aman felt like he had known Kartik his whole life in one meeting. Aman knew that Kartik, despite making jokes every time the conversation got deep, was an honest guy.

Aman had asked him to come to his place that night. Kartik couldn't refuse. Not because he didn't want to go back to his tiny apartment that he shared with 5 other bachelor's but because he didn't want to leave Aman's side any time soon.

Aman stopped a cabby and told him the address. Kartik hopped in after Aman. Both of them sat close enough for their arms to brush. Old songs played on the car’s radio and Kartik lost himself in the music. Starring fondly at Aman, who seemed bubbly and dazed by the moment as much as Kartik.

"I like this song" Aman said.

" _Pyar kiya toh darna kiya Pyar kiya toh darna kiya_ " [Why fear when you’re in love] Kartik sang.

"Tum gaa bhi sakte ho?"[You can sing as well?] Aman asked, impressed. Kartik made a gesture with his fingers that said 'a little'. Aman smiled up at him, naturally drawing closer.

"Parda nahi jab koi khuda se. Bandhon se parda karna kya"[There’s no secrecy with God then why hide it from humans] Kartik sang.

An unspoken sadness passed between the two men and then they kissed. It was light and as gentle as a touch. Aman’s body felt like a live wire, bursting with electricity. Much to Aman’s relief the driver’s focus was thankfully on the road ahead. Aman looked back at Kartik's dark eyes and pulled away. Both men were happy to leave it at that. Hands intertwined at the back of a cab as the Mughal-e-Azam song played.

When they got inside Aman's tiny apartment, Kartik's heart beat in his chest faster than any man has ever made it beat. The silence in the room amplified his anticipation. Aman locked the door.

"Kuch lo ge?" [Would you like something?] Aman asked nervously.

"Haan" [yes] Kartik said.

"Kya?" [What?] Aman whispered.

"Tumhe" [You] Kartik kissed him. When Aman recollected his thoughts, he kissed him back. His arms enveloped around Kartik's neck and he tip toed so Kartik wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

Kartik was a good kisser. Aman, on the other hand, was severely inexperienced. He followed Kartik's lead. Their bodies engulfed with heat, both men memorizing the taste of one another. Aman's moans were so quiet that Kartik almost missed them all together. Kartik pulled Aman flush against him and Aman hummed into the kiss.

Aman couldn't remember where he was, who he was or what he was doing; all he knew was that he felt like he was flying. When Kartik pushed a tongue into his mouth, he welcomed it with his own. Breathing heavily and enjoying the warmth of Kartik's mouth.

To finally have another man touch him had left him rendered hypnotized. Aman had denied himself the pleasure for so long. Kartik pulled away. His mouth flushed pink and eyes glinting in the light above them. Kartik had let Aman hold him that night. Aman didn’t tell Kartik that he was doing so for the first time in his life until a year later in their relationship.

***

Kartik was the first to say ‘I love you’. He said it one night after forcing Aman to watch a cliché Bollywood film. Aman stared at him, speechless. His heart screaming and his expression blank. Kartik would pretend that he han’t seen the glassy layer of tears in Aman’s eyes as he entered him that night. It was always slow and gentle when they held each other. They liked watching the other become undone bit by bit until they were panting for nothing else but release. Kartik buried his face in the crook of Aman’s nape. He smelt nothing but Aman scent, he felt nothing but Aman’s embrace as Aman’s fingers dug into his back, pulling him impossibly closer.

“I love you” Kartik whispered as he came. Aman sniffled a groan into his hair, Kartik wanted to pull back to see a teary eyed Aman but Aman had held him there, kept him inside until his eyes had dried.

“I love you too” He finally had said and let Kartik go. Kartik gave him his cheesiest smile and Aman lightly punched him.

“Abhey ab toh likaal. Dard ho rahi hai” [Oi take it out now. It’s starting to hurt] Aman frowned, which Kartik found adorable so he gave his forehead a quick peck and did as he was asked.

***

A couple of months after that night, Kartik moved in. Being with him was always special. They never grew tired of each other’s company. When Kartik slept, Aman would trace his tattoos and wonder how he got so lucky. When Aman slept, Kartik would draw his name into Aman’s skin until he was certain he'd marked Aman's body with his touch. They fought too. In the beginning it was always about Aman’s tendency to always care about what other people thought of them in public. Some days Aman would tell him to not hold his hand and Kartik’s mood would spoil for the rest of the day.

‘Kya hua?”[What happened?] Aman asked while they ate before bed.

“You still think we’re doing something wrong Aman. Bas itni si baat hai?” [That’s all it is] Kartik had said sarcastically because Aman’s rejection hurt him more than any homophobe could. Aman frowned, but it wasn’t cute this time.

“Galat mudjhe nahi, dusro ko lagta hai. Aur jab unko lagti hai, tum se bardaash nahi hota. And you always create a scene”[I don’t think its wrong, other people do and when they do, you always create a scene] Aman said. 

“Jo log hamare pyaar ko galat kahetey hai, wahi logo ki fikr hai tumko. Meri nahi!”[You care more about the people who hate our love than me] Kartik had screamed. Aman was torn by his words.

“Fikr hai. Yaar ab mujdse laro ge kya?”[I do care. You’re gonna fight me now?] Aman groaned.

“Fuck Aman! At least I stand up for what I believe in” Kartik got up and threw his plate in the sink. Not with too much force because he was in no mood to clean. He washed his plate furiously. Aman got up.

“I know you do. Tumhari wahi baat toh mujhe pasand hai”[That’s what I like about you] Kartik’s anger dies a little but he ignores the shorter man.

“Kartik. Look I’m sorry, mein koshish karunga. Theek hai?” [I’ll try from now on, is that okay?] Aman hugs Kartik from behind and Kartik’s anger fizzles into nothing until all that’s left is love.

***

Months turn into years. Kartik holds onto Aman as he drives their bike to Kartik’s friend's house after selling toothpaste all day. Aman had gotten a job where Kartik worked just until he gets his teaching post in Dehli.

When Aman Tripathi is twenty-four years old, his father catches him kissing his boyfriend. The world he had built in the safety of Kartik’s love was suddenly on the verge of being destroyed but Kartik had more faith in his parents than Aman did. The same Kartik, who was always ready to fight any homophobic person on the street, was now ready to fight Aman’s parents. Aman knew he was equally scared of losing him.

Aman had never expected that he’d be forced to marry a woman and he never expected himself to agree either. Watching Kartik fight for him was heart-warming. He felt himself fall deeper in love with him with every passing second but love was not for everyone. Aman knew it hurt Kartik to watch him get married to someone else no matter what the circumstance.

Kartik thought he would find a family in Aman’s but he had almost lost hope until Rajni told him that it was his time to be a hero. Aman’s screams had struck him harder than Shankar Tripathi ever could. Aman knew it too but he couldn’t watch without screams escaping him. Kartik could understand why Aman wanted to marry a woman. His family loved him so much that they hadn’t even so much as pinched him for being gay.

When Kartik reads Kusum’s letter, he rejoices, he could have married Aman if Shankar hadn’t found out. They would have been husbands but it all turns to hell when the policemen come. Kartik had been in jail before but he didn’t want Aman’s family seeing him arrested, Kartik could barely tolerate it himself. When Shankar Tripathi tells the policemen to mind their business and leave and Chaman Tripathi negotiates with the policemen, it is the first time that Aman or Kartik have had someone stand up for them. It’s the first time either of them feel accepted by family.

The hug they give each other that night is a reminder to both of them that their love could never be buried. After days of agony, both men find their peace in the embrace. Mr and Mrs Tripathi could then see that their son was in love. They decide that regardless of the Supreme Court’s ruling in the morning, they’d learn to accept that their son was in love with another man with time.

When section 377 is abolished, Kartik notices the tension Aman had been carrying on his shoulders for years slowly release from every muscle in his body. They’re both happier than they’ve ever been. Even Shankar Tripathi believes the smile on his son’s face. It’s the same smile that had graced him in the hospital room a short twenty-four years ago. With it, every ounce of hate for who his son is, decimates like the fire that spreads in front of him as he burns his lives work. Shankar Tripathi was a man who could no longer play God. He was ready to be a father again.

After years of distance, Aman gets to close the gap between his father and him. The tears spill out of him naturally. He feels whole in that embrace and he knows that Kartik does too. He wanted Kartik to know what parental love was, even if Aman had convinced himself that he’d love him enough for Kartik to forget that he needed anything else.

When they’re making their way down the stairs, the trains engine starts.

“Shit Aman, Train!” Kartik runs, Aman is still lost in his thoughts. He quickly realizes that he’s about to miss the train and runs towards Kartik. Kartik reaches out with his arm and Aman grabs hold as Kartik pulls him in close.

“Bach gaya”[I’m safe] Aman says, giggling. Kartik can’t help but laugh too.

“I love you Kartik Singh” Aman says and he means it more than ever before. Kartik makes this twisted face he makes before he cries.

“I love you too” Kartik hugs him. Aman lets him.

“Chor do ab warna koi aur pakarlega”[Let me go or someone will see] Aman struggles out of the embrace.

“Pyar kiya koi chori nahi ki”[You're in love, it's not a crime] Kartik quotes the song. Aman gives him a toothy grin that makes his own cheeks hurt.


End file.
